I think my racism stems from growing up without any close black friends. I was really preppy and I just acted like the people that I hung out with. Then in 7th grade, I moved from the North suburbs of chicago, to the south suburbs. It was such a culture shock for me. I had never seen so many black people in my life. My parents made the mistake of sending me to the local public school first. I only lasted about a week before I switched to catholic school. I was so upset with the thought of going to a catholic school, but that public school was so bad. I was immediately teased for the way I dressed, and some guys asked me why I “talked white”. It was just the worst impression of black people. Then, in 8th grade, I had my first black friend, ever. She was black/puerto rican and we were pretty close at the time. Prior to meeting her I was unaware of the whole dark skin/light skin complex that a lot of black people have. So, sometimes she would talk about her “light skinned clique”, and they’d call each other twins, and it made me feel really left out. I’m so happy this girl is out of my life, because she wasn’t a good friend at all, and I remember one time in particular, we had a class field trip, and this friend was taking a picture with some other girls and they wouldn’t let me be in it because they were going to lable it “light skin chicas” on myspace or something like that. So, after that bad experience, it just gave me more of an incentive not to like black people or want to be associated with them. Progressively, my thoughts became increasingly more negative. It didn’t help that some of my friends would put me in a different “category” but still say really racist things about black people. I think that’s what has influenced me the most. I thought it was okay, because they did it too. 

I feel really bad, because I influence my little brother so much, and he’s definitely picked up his negative attitude about black people from me. I feel like a bad person.